The Mask of Happiness
by Just twisty
Summary: Warning this is a bittersweet story.  If you're hoping for a feel good ending I'll warn you ahead of time, it's not in this story.  This is a Bellice that should've been but didn't happen.  Rated T for language.


**Disclaimer:** All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyers, while I'm just teasing and bending them for a bit. No profit is being collected from the fiction contained within.

The storyline is my creative fault and mine alone.

**Author's Note:** Warning this is a bittersweet story. If you're hoping for a feel good ending I'll warn you ahead of time, it's not in this story. This is a Bellice that should've been but didn't happen.

All language boo boos, whether it is in grammar or spelling or other miscues they lie at my feet, oh I could blame MS Word but heck fire that would be just silly.

**XXXXXXX**

**The Mask of Happiness**

Gazing at the young girl who was lying in her bed beaming up at her, Alice gave her a dimpled smile in return, "this is a rather odd request Nessie." Brushing her fingers lightly over the girl's curly bronze colored hair. "I seriously doubt anything I make up will be as entertaining as the books you're already reading."

Renesemee, whose body was quickly maturing, studied her aunt with her dark chocolate eyes so reminiscent of Bella when she was human. Alice had a special spot in Nessie's heart. The small pixyish vampire had been paramount in the hybrid vampire's survival, even at the near cost of losing her friendship with Bella. There was something deeper to it all but the young girl, who was still learning about the complexities of feelings and relationships, hadn't figured it out, yet.

Finally her lips stretching into a large smile the young girl explained, "it'll be good, cause it'll be original."

Twinkling with amusement Alice's butterscotch eyes locked on to the young girls, "I'm not so sure about original."

"But it'll be special cause it's from you to me," Nessie replied in earnest.

"Oh, alright, but you have to allow me a bit of latitude if I or the story wander off since I am just making it up," taping the girl's tiny nose.

"M'kay," she agreed snuggling down into her blanket.

Sitting on the side of the girl's bed, Alice rested her chin on her left hand, while her right one toyed with her spiky black hair as she tried to gather her thoughts together. After a few seconds the small vampire sat up straight, a smile touched her lips and then she began to speak.

"Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl, named Bella, whose home was near the edge of a lush enchanted forest. The forest was the home to many wondrous and at times, frightening creatures, which enthralled Bella. The young girl lived a simple and yet, adventurous life. For she found the creatures, who many called monsters, to be mesmerizing and loved spending time with them.

Bella lived with her father, a kindly man, though the lovely Bella did think he was a tad too protective of her. Seeing as she was his only child and he was also the sheriff of their small hamlet it was understandable that he might be a bit over-protective. Though her father had a good heart, it did not guide his thoughts and actions completely, not like his daughter whose heart did. He had an innate understanding that not everything seemed to be as it appeared so like a good father he kept a watchful eye on his daughter.

Now, Bella was quite fair of face but was she the fairest in the land? No. Truth be told, there were a few maidens in the land who were also blessed with astounding beauty."

Her brown eyes sparkling with amusement Nessie asked with a tiny giggle. "Like you and Aunt Rose?"

Humming lightly, "no peeking a head silly. But yes, Princess Rosalie was perhaps the loveliest girl in all the land and her handmaiden Alice, who had superior fashion sense, was also considered dazzling in her own right.

Never the less, though Bella couldn't see it, she was quite striking. She was just as cute as a bug in a rug, actually way cuter. Of course, that really goes without saying, I mean, except for some exotic looking beetles how cute is a bug, especially if it lying inside a rug?"

Nessie let loose a stream of high-pitched laughter when the petite vampire did an exaggerated shudder at the notion.

"Alice." A whispering bell like voice slid from the floor below and up the stairs through the air.

It was hard to say if Alice hadn't heard the hushed voice or just chose to ignore it for the moment as she tilted her head slightly and continued her spiel, tapping her chin lightly. "Usually, such a living example tends to give one the willies as opposed to the thrillies, unless of course one is an entomologist."

Wrinkling her forehead in puzzlement, "ento-what a miss?" Nessie asked innocently. Actually she knew the word and what it meant but she didn't want her aunt to acknowledge the voice either.

"An en-to-mo-lo-gist," she answered enunciating slowly to the point that made the little girl give another delighted laugh. "They study bugs. Perhaps one of them came up with the notion about bugs being cute in a rug."

"Alice." The dulcet voice inquired again with more force to the name.

This time there was no blocking the voice, intentionally or not. Amazing, even how just one word, made in a demanding tone, though still spoken with a whisper, can seize control and stop everything else.

"Yes, Bella." Alice replied keeping the sad sigh from leaving her mouth.

"Could you please come down here?"

"Of course," Giving a gentle smile to the small girl, "it seems story time is over kiddo."

"Aunt Ali, you'll come back and finish it, won't you?" There was a slight plea in the girl's voice and eyes as she spoke.

This time the petite vampire did let the sad sigh escape her lips, "I can't promise that Nessie. I don't know how long your mom and I will talk. Besides, it's a fairy tale honey, they always end happily." Rubbing the girl's small back, "the fair maiden meets a prince and he gets the girl."

"And they live happily ever after," the little girl whispered.

"Of course," leaning over she kissed the girl's forehead, " now go to sleep and have pleasant dreams, sweetie. I love you."

"I love you too," Nessie replied wrapping her arms around her aunt. "Please come back."

"I will…someday," Alice whispered before slipping out of the girl's arms.

_(Scene Shift)_

"Alice, I don't understand?" Bella murmured concern reflected in her expression. There was a hint of desperate sadness in her eyes, which were slowly transforming from newborn cherry red to golden red. Almost bringing a fiery quality to the young woman's beseeching orbs. "Why are you doing this?"

"Nessie wanted me to tell her story, so I cudgeled my brain cells," Alice began to explain. Even though, she knew this wasn't the answer the young woman was inquiring about, the petite vampire decided to play ignorant. "Though admittedly, I did kind of go off on a tangent but I guess if you're making up a story it's bound to happen."

"That's not what I meant," the young remarked as she pulled her fingers through her long mahogany hair, until she reached the ends and began to twirl them around her fingers. "And you know it."

Seeing the broken sadness and deep pout on Bella's lips, a part of Alice wish that Jasper was still around. But her soon to be ex and his new girlfriend, Maggie had left nearly a week ago to go to Ireland. Of course, he probably would've stayed around if she had told him her plans, but she hadn't. Maggie was still slightly jealous of the two's relationship and the petite vampire didn't need that on her plate as well.

Resignedly, Alice gazed into the girl's fiery orbs and replied gently, "I do Bella, but I already gave my reasons when we all gathered yesterday. I need time alone, to adjust, to," heaving a sigh, "I don't know…re-find who I am and I can't do that here, not now."

She didn't add, _'not without Jasper to be my shield against my feelings for you,'_ because she really didn't need to add that part. Bella knew Alice's love for her and had one time professed the same feelings towards the small vampire.

Yet, Bella had rejected those feelings so many months ago, when she chose Edward over Alice and the petite vampire accepted the young woman's reasons though it hurt like hell.

_(Flash Back)_

"_I'm sorry Alice. I love you, I do but Edward he's lost without me. I know he said he couldn't live without me but I didn't truly believe he would try and commit suicide and follow up on his plan of going to the Volturi because he thought I was dead. He needs me more then you do." Bella murmured ducking her head to the side. "I…I think it is for the best. Besides you still have Jasper."_

"_I still have Jasper," Alice whispered not quite a statement but not quite a question either. _

_Gazing at the girl who had kissed her senseless and murmured her deep love only a few weeks ago but who now wouldn't make eye contact, the petite vampire could feel her heart crack. Having Jasper wasn't going to make up for losing Bella. She and the lanky blond had never been in love with each other but they did have a special bond that kept them together. They were best friends with benefits and only married because it was the thing to back in the day. Alice wasn't even sure why they stayed married except perhaps out of sheer laziness. And now it seemed that lackadaisical attitude was contributing to Bella's decision, even though, she knew the truth about Jasper and Alice's relationship. _

_For a split second, Alice wondered if Edward's attempted suicide had just been a rather dramatic and potentially foolish ploy to win Bella's love. She shook the thought from her mind, not because she didn't think it was possible, but because the idea of it being possible made her feel queasy._

"_And I've decided to accept Edward's marriage proposal, even though getting married so young wasn't something I really planned for," Bella said still not looking at the small vampire. She just couldn't look at the beautiful pixie. It might jeopardize her resolve. "I love him and I know it would crush him if I left him." Pausing she finally looked up tears running down her cheeks she added softly, "please, tell me can still be friends."_

_As much as Alice wanted to cry, to beg Bella not to do this to them, their love, she didn't, she couldn't add more grief to the crying girl before her. With a heavy sigh, she drew the girl into her arms held her, comforted her and reassured the woman she loved that they would always be friends. All the while, her heart was shattering like a crystal vase being tossed aside. _

_(End Flash Back) _

It hadn't been easy for Alice but with Jasper, his love and his gift, which she used like anti-depressant she kept going. She was able to even present an upbeat attitude up until Bella and Edward had left for their honeymoon. After the couple had left, the petite vampire had gone off alone so not to burden Jasper with her overwhelming grief. In fact, she had planned on taking a sojourn from the family back then but so many events conspired against that plan.

Yet now, nearly a month had past since the Volturi had been there, life was settling down and Alice had to leave, to deal with the heartache she had been suppressing. Looking back, she realized using Jasper's gift to repress her true feelings probably hadn't been wise. Only days after he and Maggie left, Alice felt like she was rapidly crumpling into an emotional abyss. Sadness and anger were surging through her. Just two days ago, Alice had come too close to smacking the crooked grin off Edward's face.

_(Flash Back)_

_Seeing his smaller sister practicing her ballet in the music room, something she had been doing a lot of late, Edward couldn't stop himself from wandering into the room. Their relationship was sort of in a gray area but he needed to find something out and Alice was his best shot at the moment._

"_You know Alice," Edward began with his patent crooked smile touching his lips. "I truly think it was admirable of you to let Jasper go without a fight. I know I couldn't have done that if it were Bella." _

_Keeping her attention on her dancing, Alice barely glanced at the bronze-haired boy as he entered the music room, "you know as well as I do Edward there was no need to fight." She answered as she performed a Pas de Chat. "Jasper and I will always remain friends."_

"_Just like you and Bella." He didn't mean to sound so peevish but his sister's love for his wife was still a sore spot for him. Even if she had reacted far better then he ever could've if the roles had been reversed. _

"_Yes, just like Bella and I. Is there a point to this?" She asked as she twirled to the music in her head, effectively blocking him from reading her. **'God, is he testing me?'**_

_Launching into one of his compositions without consideration to her, he replied, "No, not about you and Jasper," he answered modulating the timbre of his voice. He wasn't there to antagonize his sister per say. "But something is bothering Bella and she's shielded her mind to me, again."_

"_Ah, so you're hoping she's spoken to me and wish to glean a shared secret from my mind. Seems rather devious to me, trying to pry into my mind for Bella's secrets. I thought love and trust walked hand and hand." _

"_I do love and trust her." He nearly snarled out in frustration but took a second to compose his actions, "I'm just concerned." _

'_**And still manipulative and controlling,'** Alice noted to herself as did a series of small leaps into the air. _

_Then pausing in her dance she finally chose to look at her brother as she spoke. "We all need our privacy Edward, even spouses, it doesn't mean anything untoward is happening. Bella has been through a great deal and perhaps it's all catching up to her, since there's a lull." _

'_**Just like with me,' **Alice thought ignoring the tensing muscles that had nothing to do with her dancing._

_Of course she didn't share with him that Bella hadn't spoken any secrets to her. The pixyish vampire had been keeping her distance from the girl since Jasper left. _

_Edward contemplated what his sister said, while watching her movements. "Perhaps you're right," he murmured. "We've all been on an emotional roller coaster ride for the past year."_

"_To say the least," she mumbled._

"_It's almost Valentine's Day, I think I'll set something romantic up for the both of us. It'll be like a second honeymoon."_

_Alice felt her whole body clench as Edward rattled on about his plans to romance his wife. _

_(End Flash Back)_

If it hadn't of been for Rosalie and Renesemee coming in to the room, Alice was positive she would of snapped. That moment had been the push in Alice's decision that it was time for her to leave. Not wait until summer when the whole family was going to pack up and move to relative seclusion, until Nessie reached her full maturity.

Her decision hadn't gone over very well with the family. She had expected the concerns and protests from everyone but the only person who had a chance at battering her resolve was standing in front of her. And sadly it was the one person Alice had the most need to get away from.

"Alice, I don't want you to leave. Can't you just take a couple of weeks and then come back?" Bella asked chewing her bottom lip. Unshed tears pooled in her beseeching eyes as she gazed at Alice. "You told me you would never leave me again but you're doing it."

A flash of anger swirled through Alice's mind, _'and you said you loved me more than Edward. Kissing those words into my soul.' _But she held the retort back, because she didn't want anger to be a part of this conversation. She didn't want to leave Bella that way.

"I promise I'll stay in contact," she breathed out through the tightening of her chest. "And I'll come back, but sweetie, I can't stay here, I just can't. Seeing and hearing you with Edward is killing me." Running a shaky hand through her raven locks she continued in a quivery voice, "it's been building every since you chose Edward over me. It was only through Jasper's help that I was able to keep it together this far."

Guilt and despair rolled together forming a heavy lump in Bella's stomach at seeing how miserable her sister, friend and one time potential lover was feeling and it was her fault. She was neither stupid nor naïve enough not to recognize those many months ago her heartbreaking decision had crushed Alice. But she had been selfish, needy and thankful that the petite vampire had forsaken her own feelings and stayed near Bella over so many hellish months.

Oh but now, now was different. No gloom, no worries, no specter of vengeful or conniving vampires knocking at their gates seeking to disrupt their lives. No, the world was growing brighter; at least that was what Bella wanted to believe, to cling tightly to that conviction that everything was moving the way it should.

She had a loving husband who had proven the depths of his love by trying to kill himself when he thought Bella was dead. It didn't mean anything that his coarse masculine touch didn't immediately send shivers down her spine. Or that his kisses didn't make her insides scrunch with burning desire from the first moment their lips touched. And it was okay that the first orgasm and subsequent ones, she experienced under Edward was brought forth because she always fantasized it was Alice who was touching her. It was fine to fantasy about someone else, nothing wrong about it whatsoever as long as her husband was happy with the end results and she hadn't heard any complaints.

So there was no heat, no puddling of her mind and body with Edward, they were comfortable together and he loved her and that was enough for Bella. Yes, everyone was content and finally a comfortable stillness had entered all their lives.

'_Except for Alice.'_ Bella's heart moaned as she took in the trembling woman.

She had seen etches of pain flit across Alice's features over the last few weeks. She had observed the normally gregarious pixie withdraw away from family events. Bella had chosen to place it towards Jasper and Maggie's burgeoning relationship, like the rest of family. Not because Edward had become extremely uninhibited in front of everyone, hugging and kissing her, to the point where even Emmett was telling them to get a room.

Finally accepting the truth she had been shutting out, Bella grabbed the tiny vampire and crushed her into a fierce hug. "Oh Alice, how can you not hate me? I've been such a self involved bitch." Her voice cracked very un-vampire like as she spoke.

"I could never hate you Bella." Alice struggled to get out as her lungs were being squished together by the girl's newborn strength. Except for the rearranging happening to her insides, the petite vampire relished being in the girl's arms.

Hearing the strain in tiny vampire's voice, "sorry Ali," said Bella let loose her stranglehold on Alice. "I…I've been so unfair to you and your feelings. I just…"

Laying her finger over Bella's mouth, "shhh, no recriminations sweetie. We both accepted the choices we made back then but it's time to move forward and I can't do it here." Standing on her toes she bussed the young woman's cheek, "I love you." Then taking a step back she added with a smile, "and that won't change. I have to go now."

Bella wanted to yank Alice back into her arms and never let go but she didn't. She didn't cave in to that desire to plead with her best friend, the person she loved, more then Edward, to stay. No, Bella had made her choice to be with Edward and for good or ill, she was going to stick with it. There was no way she was going to become her mother who had married right out of high school because it was an adventure, but when it became too dull she ran off to find more exciting times. So she just stood there and watched as the tiny vampire made her way to the front door.

Both women locked watery eyes on each other and then with a nod, Alice slipped out of the cottage and as she turned to run she heard Bella's hushed words.

"I love you too, Alice."

The words followed her as she raced through the forest.

_(Scene Shift-Time Shift)_

When a person, particular a woman, is petite in stature there are things one grows accustom to and one of those things is people always assuming that a smaller person needs protection. The whole coddling effect, at times, could be cute and even endearing but it could also be pretty damn annoying, no matter the good intentions behind it.

Alice realized this when her family accosted her again voicing their concerns about her going off alone. She knew they were doing it because they loved her. So Alice listened patiently, while the beast inside, affronted by the notion that she was as fragile as bone china, growled silently. After they had finished, the petite vampire gave them each a hug, smiled and with a wave went on her way without looking back.

It wasn't until she was in her canary yellow Porsche heading down the driveway that she released the frustrated growl sitting in her chest.

"It doesn't matter one iota that I've been a psychic vampire for nearly eighty-seven years," Alice grumbled as she pulled out on to the main road. "Or I was alone for nearly two decades and survived quite nicely nor that I'm a capable fighter. Nope, all they see is my diminutive size, delicate build and treat me like I'm some kid."

She glanced over the small toy stuffed russet wolf that someone, she assumed Jake, had placed in the passenger seat as a joke and smacked it lightly. Her light smack had a bit more force then a human's and sent the toy wolf bouncing off the dashboard and back into the seat with it's butt up in the air.

Snorting lightly, "I shouldn't abuse you since your doppelganger is the only one who supported my decision. Of course, he's experienced the rejection but he thinks mine is because of Jazz not Bella," heaving a sigh and rolling her eyes, "oh great, I've only been alone for like three minutes and I'm talking to a stuffed animal."

Turning her eyes back on the road, Alice was driving at a ridiculous speed, well within the speed limit as she drove towards the town of Forks. It was a snail's pace for a vampire but her mind was overflowing with thoughts and feelings. Her attention was more on what she couldn't see in her rearview mirror anymore, then what she could see in front of her.

All the aplomb she had demonstrated to her family, to Bella and to herself drained out of her when she saw Chief Swan's house coming into view. Alice was driving down the street she shouldn't have been on; unknowingly she had fallen into the pattern of driving to Bella's home.

"Fuck."

It didn't matter if it was pitch black and raining or that the beams from her car's headlight only caught the side of Charlie's house. For Alice the two-story home just seemed to shine out in her eyes as the car drew closer.

"Fuck."

This was the place of memories. Happy, sad, acrid but mostly it was the place of cherished delicious memories. Laughter, tears, taking care of Bella after Phoenix and teasing the girl about her ability to trip on air. It was the place of watching movies, cuddly talks and kissing. Toe curling, hot, wet, venom-producing kisses that had left Alice, who didn't need to breathe, breathless.

"Fuck."

Alice chanted the word, she rarely said over and over. It was one of those words that could be harsh with vulgar intent but not this time. This time it was laden with loss as it slipped passed her quivering lips.

The petite vampire forced herself to drive past the house; the memories held inside, until the fist crushing her heart made her pullover and stop the car just north of Forks. Burying her face into her hands, Alice rocked back and forth in her seat as she sobbed out nearly six months of tears that would never fall. The mask she had been wearing fell off completely.

The End

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**I know not my usual happy ending but though I tried to convince my muse to pull one out I couldn't and so this is where the story ended.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing.**


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